| Thursday, November 17, 2005 |
| Everybody Loves Mr. T |
...But did you know?*
- Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
- 23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
- Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
- The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.
- Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
- When Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry, he turns into Mr. T.
- Mr. T's hair style is actually a complex array of antennas that can triangulate the exact location of any fool in the universe. His gold chains can then transmit pity to those coordinates.
- Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot episode.
- Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.
- If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there would only be two hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface of the Sun.
- The vegetarian group PETA one time tried to establish the catchphrase "We PETA the fool who eats animals." Upon learning of this blatant theft of his catchphrase, Mr. T founded McDonalds.
- Mr. T invented Asian people, because he thinks they're cute and don't take up much room.
- Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be Gary Coleman and Webster.
- Mr. T can count past infinity.
- When Mr. T has nightmares, people around him start dying for no reason.
- Mr. T defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Mr. T loves you.
- Mr. T was once clocked at 100 fps. That's 100 fools pitied a second.
- Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
- Mr. T does not play the guitar, but he will bash your face in with one.
- If at the exact same moment, the same person was pitied by Mr. T and roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, the universe would implode.
- World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Mr. T ate Kobayashi.
- The Soviet Union once pitied Mr. T. That's why there is no Soviet Union.
* I can't take credit for this. But, I don't want to give the link because the unabridged list has some mild language. A simple Google search will help you find the exhaustive list.
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posted by Joe Napalm @ 7:04 PM   |
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| 1 Comments: |
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My favorite by far. I pitty the fool who can't appreciate this post.
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My favorite by far. I pitty the fool who can't appreciate this post.